A VERY unexpected turn

..So there I sat in the small cubicle at the back of the pharmacy trying to get the test done as quickly as possible due to there only being one toilet. It also happened to be a very finicky test where you have to pee in a bottle and use a little sucker straw kind of thing (that really did not work well at all unless squeezed just the right way. So there I was … pants around my ankles, urine speciman jar between my legs, straw in hand and test balanced on one knee .. trying to get the damn urine into the straw. With a bit of luck I got in what would have been about 3 drops and decided it would have to do. No sooner had I emptied the straw into the little hole on the test and the urine started seeping through … first the test area .. then … hang on .. .before even reaching the control area a definate pink line on the test area ….. I brought the test as close as possible to my eyes to make sure that it did indeed say “T” and not “C” and that I was in fact viewing the test area … then the control area line came up …. a lot lighter than the test area which could only mean 1 thing… I was pretty far along already. Grabbing up my belongings, washing my hands and slipping the test back into the box which was tucked into my bag, I walked out the toilet, out the pharmacy and straight next door to the dr’s rooms with what must have been the whitest face anybody had seen in a while.

Strange thing is while waiting for the dr to see me I must have taken a look at the test about 50 times to make sure i was not mistaken. Finally I was called in … I plonked myself down in the chair, lay the test in front of the dr and promptly began the bawl my eyes out. I had never seen this dr before so the poor lady was really not sure what to do with me and seemed incredibly embarrassed by her initial congratulations. I then pulled out my pill packet and my duramine packet (diet pills) and showed her and then cried some more and told her I didn’t want this and the pills would have affected the baby etc etc. She checked in her medical bible and put my mind at ease regarding the pills, however I was still very shocked and unsure about wanting the pregnancy… after a few days I kind’ve figured out that my feelings came from the loss I experienced when I had a blighted ovum and the pure terror of going through that pain of loss again. We did bloods for which the results would only be available the following day so I decided to keep this secret of mine to myself until the following day.

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~ by irene0211 on January 5, 2009.

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